When they're born, all you want is for them to be healthy and to have ten toes and fingers. As they grow older, you have a few more hopes and dreams. We want our children to succeed where we may have failed, to make great grades, go to college, find a great career, get married, and live happily ever after. I think that is everyone's dream for their children.
Of course, not everyone is destined to go to college and even get married but still I think most parents dream of their children throwing their graduation cap into the air and walking their daughter down the aisle. Parents want their children to fly gloriously from the nest, soar high above the world, and succeed. Although it may be wrong, many parents want to live vicariously through their children, to be young again, to see them take a different path, and to share in their success. Whether wanting to live vicariously or just wanting to see your children do better than prior generations, it pains a parent greatly when things go awry.
When Lauren was just a toddler, we noticed that she blinked her eyes a lot but never really thought there was a problem. Later, in elementary school, she began what we called "huffing." Basically, she would exhale several short quick bursts of air. One of her teachers mentioned it to us thinking that she might have a respiratory issue so, of course, we made an appointment to see her pediatrician. Another doctor later and we had a diagnosis of Tourette Syndrome and her "tic" was explained to us.
It's amazing how you blame yourself and suffer so greatly when your child has a basically incurable condition that could worsen as they age. We tortured ourselves wondering which one of us passed along this condition and how it might effect our perfect little girl's life. After a lot of poring over medical information on the net, I realized that I had tics even more complex than my daughters and that I was probably the one that passed it along. I never realized that my penchant for walking away from a conversation repeating what was just said was a tic. They recommended that we medicate her and so we did for years. She gained a lot of weight and was somewhat lethargic but the symptoms were greatly reduced.
She eventually wanted to quit taking the medicine and, although, we feared that adolescence would accelerate or even cause the development of more complex tics, our fears were unfounded. They never worsened nor abated. Teenage rebellion, criminal male friends, and recreational drugs soon became our main fears. Tourette's paled in comparison.
2 comments:
Found your blog! Both our oldest & youngest have tics, but neither have (as yet) been diagnosed with Tourette's. Oldest started with wiping his mouth on his shoulder, pulling on his shirt, sticking his tongue out of the corner of his mouth. Youngest flips his bangs. Even if his hair is short, he does it. I'm sure there are others. Possibly all mild or relatively harmless in the grand scheme of things. But yeah, way down the list of worries when you consider they inherited either / both bipolar disorder, major depression, and / or social anxiety.
There will always be the "what ifs," questions, & doubts. But you have to look for the positives.
In our case, our oldest may have social anxiety & no social life as yet & he / we may have missed out on some perceivably important things, like dating (thus far), prom, etc. but we also haven't had a lot of worries that some parents do (including you) & he's remained focused on his academics.
Look for the bright side & turn it into a positive. Maybe she can use her experience and work with kids with Tourette's? Assuming she's clean now, she could also use that to her advantage as well. I know one of the criteria for working at Bradford is you have to have a good working knowledge of the 12 step program.
R still laments that G's never really had a girlfriend nor dated and I keep trying to convince him there's plenty of time for that LATER on. Right now he doesn't have the added distraction interfering with maintaining his scholarship. And even if it never happens, really, there are far worse things than never having a girlfriend or a wife.
-Bri
You did get bored, didn't ya? Well, part of what concerned me about the Tourette's is that it is often associated with other problems. She also has anxiety issues. The tic doesn't bother her anymore. It's just part of her life.
She's doing much better, not exactly where we would like her to be but it's her life to live. She's an adult. She has to make her own decisions.
I agree with you. G does have plenty of time to find himself socially.
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